Tug of War
I hated playing Tug of war as a kid, HATED it. I was the skinny tall girl who had arms the size of the flute I played and legs not much bigger. PE was never a fun class for me, tug of war however was one of the worst, zero upper body strength, long skirts that hindered my stance and classmates yelling at me to pull. Helloooo, I was pulling, might not have been much but I was doing what I could do. Ugh, thank God gym class is no more for me in my prime yet, I'm still playing Tug of war.
My heart and my mind have different agendas. They have never been friends, I might even go as far to say that they have been enemies most of my life. My heart trying to tell me that I'm good and worth it, my brain telling me to shut that shit down. Those two, ugh, they are at it again. My heart knowing what it wants, my brain knowing what it needs or rather, what it doesn't need and here we are, tug of war.
So what is a girl to do? Listen to my brain, be logical and smart, do what needs to be done and be alert to all things (my heart) getting in the way......or listen to my heart and do what I feel, what I want, desire and yes, even crave. My brain tells me it's a fine line and I cannot walk it, my heart is cheering me on saying "yes, you're strong enough, you can". So, I listen to both. I walk the line with extreme caution, keeping myself in check. Being honest at every tug and keeping my mind and heart open to communication.
Is it going to be easy? No, nothing of worth is easy and this challenge ahead is worth it. I'm taking it slow, watching and learning....stepping back if need be, never pushing or pulling. I am strong enough to call a truce in the game of tug of war. Both brain and heart can be winners.
If by chance I fall into the mud, defeated and not the winner, I'll get right back up and go wash off. After all, the beautiful lotus only grows and blooms from the depths of the mud. I am like the lotus, I've grown and bloomed from the muddy pit's of tug of war.
My heart and my mind have different agendas. They have never been friends, I might even go as far to say that they have been enemies most of my life. My heart trying to tell me that I'm good and worth it, my brain telling me to shut that shit down. Those two, ugh, they are at it again. My heart knowing what it wants, my brain knowing what it needs or rather, what it doesn't need and here we are, tug of war.
So what is a girl to do? Listen to my brain, be logical and smart, do what needs to be done and be alert to all things (my heart) getting in the way......or listen to my heart and do what I feel, what I want, desire and yes, even crave. My brain tells me it's a fine line and I cannot walk it, my heart is cheering me on saying "yes, you're strong enough, you can". So, I listen to both. I walk the line with extreme caution, keeping myself in check. Being honest at every tug and keeping my mind and heart open to communication.
Is it going to be easy? No, nothing of worth is easy and this challenge ahead is worth it. I'm taking it slow, watching and learning....stepping back if need be, never pushing or pulling. I am strong enough to call a truce in the game of tug of war. Both brain and heart can be winners.
If by chance I fall into the mud, defeated and not the winner, I'll get right back up and go wash off. After all, the beautiful lotus only grows and blooms from the depths of the mud. I am like the lotus, I've grown and bloomed from the muddy pit's of tug of war.
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