Trust and be positive...something church didn't teach me

Trusting is a struggle every day for me.  I honestly don't know the root cause, maybe my religious upbringing, maybe my parents, maybe men in my life.   Maybe all of the above, all I am sure of is that it is a daily battle to remind myself to trust in God, the universe, myself.  

Positive thinking is an every day struggle as well.  Once again, I have this feeling it could be from religion, Pentecostals seem to focus on the sin, the fear of God and the continual threat of hell.   

These two go hand in hand.   How can I trust a God that will condemn me to hell  for a single "sinful" "negative" thought.   That leads to more negative thoughts about myself and Him.   How can I be good enough for another person if I cannot be good enough for my maker.....if I have to beg for mercy and love from the God who made me in his own image then someone who freely loves me cannot be trusted...all negative.    

Sounds crazy doesn't it?   Now that I've started to open my heart, mind and being to understanding what truth is, I'm surprised I'm NOT crazy!!   Who the hell  teaches a kid to fear God, to beg for his love and his mercy.   That "religion" is who and many other organized sanctuaries of God.   

I'm not a fan of organized religion.  I go to a Methodist Church because of my children, they have learned through this church how to love and care for others, they see that to give is better than receive.  Mission trips to reach out to help others have changed their lives.  As for me, I have had more "church" out walking in nature than I ever have sitting in a pew.  My God isn't in a building or in a set prayer, he is everywhere and he is for everyone.   I don't believe you have to be Christian to see heaven, I'm not sure I believe in Hell as it is taught.  Everyone has his or her beliefs and that is solely between them and God.  

I will be positive and trust in myself and in the God I now know....the loving, forgiving,  gentle and all accepting God.  

Positive thoughts produce positive actions....today I will trust and speak positive words into my life.