Alive, alone and loved

Never in my life have I felt so alive, so alone and so loved all at the same time.  This leaves me feeling so confused and yet life has never been more clear.  A life excursion to discovering your own being has to be traveled alone, for you alone are the one you're searching for.   It's an adventure that from the inside can be bright and full of life and suddenly turns dark and sad as you realize that what has just shown itself was something that hurt someone else.  When you are living in that place without love for yourself, you don't think that what you say or do has any impact at all on the outside world.  Why would it, it's only you, you aren't worth anything so no one cares enough to be affected by your words or actions.  When your light for yourself starts to shine, you see the truth, you see the damage and you finally see the pain you've caused.  If I could take it for you, I would.  I would hurt in your place and I would never allow anyone to hurt you again.  Yet I can't,  all I can do is show empathy and love and pray to God that somehow it eases what I have done, that in all sincerity my heart and soul and body aches for my lack of knowing.   For this , I am alone

 I woke this morning, by the grace of God, He thought I was worthy to spend today learning and living and becoming who I am supposed to be.  I am grateful, I am honored and in every moment I will feel the beautiful life that I have been entrusted with.   I am alive.

I faced a fear today and walked away feeling loved, feeling understood and feeling forgiven.   I am strong because of such love..my children, my family,  my friends have all loved me through my worst and I pray I can return that love ten thousand times.   I was told 5 years ago, that when I finally felt safe enough, someone would reap the love that I  have hidden inside of me, waiting and wanting to come out, little did I know that someone would be me.  I am loved