I dont want what I want.

Being brought up in the UPCI, we were taught to only want God's will, nothing else will be suffice. It's true, one of the few things I agree with and one of the biggest things I struggle with.

I want God's will to be what I want.....why not, I know what's better for me than anyone. I know what makes me happy, I know what makes me mad, I know what hurts, what heals, what is my desire.   Or do I?   I know what I THINK makes me happy, mad, hurt, healed and desired but how has that worked out for me so far?   I sit alone in my room, writing this on Labor Day.....that's how well my will has worked or yet, NOT worked.

Here's the thing, I am clueless. I'm 46 and as clueless as when I was 16. Only God knows what I need, what is good for me, what is best.  So I'm letting go of my will and allowing Him to guide me to his.   He is my Father, He knows the desires of my heart and He will show me what is best for me IF I let go of my will and be open to His.   I don't want what I want, I want what He has for me.