Find yourself in your closet.

This morning I took on the challenge of finishing a job I started a few months ago .  I finished cleaning out my closet.   3 large garbage bags full of clothes, several purses and 22 pairs of shoes were taken out and my closet still has plenty of clothes for 1 person.  I cried, I cried a lot....memories of life came flooding over me, guilt of having so much when so many have nothing, shame in the knowledge that I bought clothes to make myself appear like I was enough.   If I looked good, the world would see me as someone who had her shit together.    I might have fooled those who only saw me from a distance but those who knew me......they knew.

I bought this house for the same reason,  to appear like I was ok.  The thought of moving from here to a small house, to a home that is me, makes my heart and soul dance.  I don't want to be that girl with a closet full of clothes and a heart that's empty.   I don't care any longer how the world sees me, I saw me and I didn't like it.   I had become someone that I wouldn't want to be friends with and I am sorry.   I'm sorry that I was never aware of what I was, who I was.  I'm a small town girl who loves going barefoot, wearing jeans and a t-shirt, throwing my hair in a ponytail and slipping on a baseball cap.    I will take pride in being me, in being different.

I can't be who I thought others needed and wanted me to be.  I have to be me.  I have to be real and true to myself, my family, my friends, to you, whoever you are.  If you see yourself in this, don't allow your insecurities and fears to make you into someone you're not.   Pack up the things in your life that you don't need and find yourself again.   Look in the mirror and make that bold decision to become who you were truly meant to be.    Stop pretending to be a badass when in reality,  you're just a simple, sweet, good hearted girl who lost her way so many years ago.  I found Terri Lynne in my closet today, I can't wait for you to meet her......she's pretty cool.