Awake in the night.
In the middle of the night a noise woke me, a beep and a click, the power must've kicked off for a moment. Then the air conditioner, that sits outside my bedroom wall, suddenly was no longer humming, it was roaring. What's going on? Why is everything so loud? Why is the dog snoring like an old man, why is the cat meowing so incessantly ? Why is it 1:30am and I'm wide awake? The next 2 hours I laid in my bed, thinking. Uh oh, that's not good.
One thought led to another, which led to this, which made me think that. I made myself sad with my thoughts, at one point I just started bawling. That's when I said aloud enough, these are just thoughts, they aren't real, there is nothing true about them. I asked myself, what is real? I answered what I knew to be real; my children and my love for them, my parents and the love they showed me yesterday, my friendships which have kept me in check and reminded me that this journey is leading me to a new being. I know my God is real, my love for myself is finally real, the fact that I am here, it's real. I am loved and it is real. I prayed for the ones I love, asking God to show them whatever it is they need and to let them know that they are loved. Maybe that's why I was awake in the night, to listen and pray, to learn to comfort myself.
I read 3 devotionals every morning, "Jesus Calling", "The Language of Letting Go" and "A New Day". As I've said before, very morning before my feet hit the ground, I thank God for whatever is on my heart and then I ask, "please show me today what I need to know, what I need to see in myself that needs to be changed and help me to see what you need me to see in others". Every morning, God does just that. For the past four weeks, one if not all of the devotionals have spoken personally to me, in a way that I know it is God. As I struggle to see where this road is taking me, as the questions and thoughts from the middle of the night still linger in the back, I read this. "Today God, help me believe that the changes I'm going through are for the good. Help me believe that the road I'm traveling will lead to a place of light love and joy" ~Melody Beattie The Language of Letting Go
It's a perfect prayer for me today and maybe for you too. If you are struggling with your path, finding your road, ask God to show you what you need to see in yourself and others. It works, it's amazing how prayer works. None of us are alone on this journey, God is always there.
One thought led to another, which led to this, which made me think that. I made myself sad with my thoughts, at one point I just started bawling. That's when I said aloud enough, these are just thoughts, they aren't real, there is nothing true about them. I asked myself, what is real? I answered what I knew to be real; my children and my love for them, my parents and the love they showed me yesterday, my friendships which have kept me in check and reminded me that this journey is leading me to a new being. I know my God is real, my love for myself is finally real, the fact that I am here, it's real. I am loved and it is real. I prayed for the ones I love, asking God to show them whatever it is they need and to let them know that they are loved. Maybe that's why I was awake in the night, to listen and pray, to learn to comfort myself.
I read 3 devotionals every morning, "Jesus Calling", "The Language of Letting Go" and "A New Day". As I've said before, very morning before my feet hit the ground, I thank God for whatever is on my heart and then I ask, "please show me today what I need to know, what I need to see in myself that needs to be changed and help me to see what you need me to see in others". Every morning, God does just that. For the past four weeks, one if not all of the devotionals have spoken personally to me, in a way that I know it is God. As I struggle to see where this road is taking me, as the questions and thoughts from the middle of the night still linger in the back, I read this. "Today God, help me believe that the changes I'm going through are for the good. Help me believe that the road I'm traveling will lead to a place of light love and joy" ~Melody Beattie The Language of Letting Go
It's a perfect prayer for me today and maybe for you too. If you are struggling with your path, finding your road, ask God to show you what you need to see in yourself and others. It works, it's amazing how prayer works. None of us are alone on this journey, God is always there.
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