Rewriting my life.
Ok, 4 times today I have written, rewritten and deleted posts. I have so much to say, yet I have no idea how to say it without being pissy, whiny and defeated.
Anxiety, sadness, anger, hope, joy, happiness and a fuck you attitude came through in every word. Every word was sincere and true, yet a cover up of pain and sorrow.
I don't know where to go, where to head from here. My life isnt at all what I thought it would be, so many are in the same boat. Just when we think it's on the right track, life happens and we are floating down a river full of rapids without a clue of how to swim.
So, what do we do? Do we whine and cry. Do we stand tall and fight. Do we throw things and scream. Do we say thank you God and be happy we are where we are because it could always be worse. We do all of it, we feel all of it and we allow the feelings and emotions to be present and then we allow them to pass.
Today I have felt every emotion under the sun. I've cried, I've laughed, I've yelled and I've wanted to punch the boxing bag in the garage. I have felt, I have released and I have moved forward. I'll be honest, I'm exhausted. I am lost and have not a clue my next step. The only thing I can do now is thank God that I am still here. That I have this gift and I won't waste it. Of course, it would be great if God would tell me where to put my feet. The mountain is rocky and I'm done falling down.
I will enjoy my children tonight, make dinner, feel their presence and joy. I will sleep knowing that today wasn't as I wanted but I tried to make the best of it and that is all I can do. Tomorrow, I will rewrite my life, I will make it into the story I've always wanted.
It'll be the best love story yet.
Anxiety, sadness, anger, hope, joy, happiness and a fuck you attitude came through in every word. Every word was sincere and true, yet a cover up of pain and sorrow.
I don't know where to go, where to head from here. My life isnt at all what I thought it would be, so many are in the same boat. Just when we think it's on the right track, life happens and we are floating down a river full of rapids without a clue of how to swim.
So, what do we do? Do we whine and cry. Do we stand tall and fight. Do we throw things and scream. Do we say thank you God and be happy we are where we are because it could always be worse. We do all of it, we feel all of it and we allow the feelings and emotions to be present and then we allow them to pass.
Today I have felt every emotion under the sun. I've cried, I've laughed, I've yelled and I've wanted to punch the boxing bag in the garage. I have felt, I have released and I have moved forward. I'll be honest, I'm exhausted. I am lost and have not a clue my next step. The only thing I can do now is thank God that I am still here. That I have this gift and I won't waste it. Of course, it would be great if God would tell me where to put my feet. The mountain is rocky and I'm done falling down.
I will enjoy my children tonight, make dinner, feel their presence and joy. I will sleep knowing that today wasn't as I wanted but I tried to make the best of it and that is all I can do. Tomorrow, I will rewrite my life, I will make it into the story I've always wanted.
It'll be the best love story yet.
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