Morning Meditation

This morning I woke to the sound of the dogs anxiously awaiting to be fed and let out.  Little did they understand that it was still dark and I was not about to trek down to the lake until I saw a hint of light.  Yes, it's only March and I'm pretty sure that snakes and tarantulas hibernate but it's been a really warm winter and I don't trust my knowledge  (or lack of) of the wintering habits of these two extremely scary creatures.   I let the puppies out the front door, told them to do their business and hurry back in.  They ate while I made coiffed and just when my first cup was poured, it was beginning to become light enough that I could somewhat to make our way on to our morning walk.

As we walked and they did more of their own fertilizing  of the woods, I noticed what an incredibly beautiful sky it was.   My first instinct was to thank God for painting such a spectator morning for us to enjoy.   As soon as the words came out of my mouth (yes, I spoke audibly to God), I said to myself, "self, why aren't you more grateful for all of the things you have?"  Why have I focused so intently on what I don't have or what I could have or what I want instead of being overwhelming thankful for all that I have.    This of course got me to thinking of how fortunate I truly am.

We packed up the car, got the dogs in and headed on that 4 hour very quiet drive home, which oddly, I was looking forward to more time to think.   And think is what I did.

I have created my own cage, my own chains, my own unhappy world.   Yes, there are things that have happened to me that are truly unfair and unfortunate yet I am still standing.  I must let go of the constant negativity and take ahold of a positive and grateful attitude.   Someone said to me the other day "ok, now tell me something good".  It was a common phrase from him and how he put up with that for a year is beyond me.   Ugh, I would've walked away from that counteractive attitude a long time ago.  He really did see good in me, really did love me, really did know what potential I had, he knew my worth, he is strong and caring, that's why he stayed.  


I've said it before and I will annoy whoever listens by repeating this, yet, it is so worth echoing, when with an open heart and open mind, you ask God to show you what you need to see in yourself and what you need to change, He will show you.  Some things that I identified today I will keep to myself, personal discoveries that are mine to work on and mine to overcome.   Somethings I know others saw in me and tried to guide me to see in myself.   Somethings I've known but to be honest, I've been scared to address.   I'm not scared anymore, I will grow and transform and there is nothing to be afraid of if God is guiding me.  I will take action to make these words genuine and true.  

I will look towards an unknown future one moment by moment, one breath by breath, one smile by room lightening smile.