Thoughts That Aren't My Own
Sudden thoughts of disparity and grief can come over one in a moment, they are usually fleeting thoughts that are like a glitch in your system. When the medicine they put you on to help with the depression, exacerbates the problems, your mind will go very dark.
Last night I had thoughts and feelings that to put bluntly scared the fuck out of me. I didn't care to go on. These dark thoughts had only happened once before and I believe it was because one pushed me to it. Last night, the thoughts came on so suddenly and so intensely that I didn't care. I just wanted to sleep and never wake up. I am going to be ok. I have to remind myself of the truth and the people who depend on me. I will tapper off the antidepressants and go a new path.
What scared me the most was my questioning of God. I felt as though he had left me, he didn't, he just sent others in to remind me of his love. A friend came and sat with me, I didn't ask, he just came because he cared. I reached out at 3am to my girlfriends and I am so blessed that one was awake and talked to me and guided me. My therapist called this morning to check on me and suggested the meds could be the very reason for my sudden deepening depression.
God might not speak to you or show himself as you want but he shows you through others that he is there.
Had you not come last night, had you not answered the texts, had you not called this morning to talk me through this, had God not been watching out for me, I might not be here now. Thank you for the support, the love and listening to and believing in God when I couldn't.
The thoughts last night were not my own, that is not who I am, I am a fighter and I will be ok, my thoughts will be my own again and I will live.
If you ever have thoughts of hurting yourself or others, please don't hesitate to reach out to someone and ask for help. Call the national suicide hotline if you are scared to ask those you know for help. Don't hesitate, don't think you're alone.
Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours everyday
Last night I had thoughts and feelings that to put bluntly scared the fuck out of me. I didn't care to go on. These dark thoughts had only happened once before and I believe it was because one pushed me to it. Last night, the thoughts came on so suddenly and so intensely that I didn't care. I just wanted to sleep and never wake up. I am going to be ok. I have to remind myself of the truth and the people who depend on me. I will tapper off the antidepressants and go a new path.
What scared me the most was my questioning of God. I felt as though he had left me, he didn't, he just sent others in to remind me of his love. A friend came and sat with me, I didn't ask, he just came because he cared. I reached out at 3am to my girlfriends and I am so blessed that one was awake and talked to me and guided me. My therapist called this morning to check on me and suggested the meds could be the very reason for my sudden deepening depression.
God might not speak to you or show himself as you want but he shows you through others that he is there.
Had you not come last night, had you not answered the texts, had you not called this morning to talk me through this, had God not been watching out for me, I might not be here now. Thank you for the support, the love and listening to and believing in God when I couldn't.
The thoughts last night were not my own, that is not who I am, I am a fighter and I will be ok, my thoughts will be my own again and I will live.
If you ever have thoughts of hurting yourself or others, please don't hesitate to reach out to someone and ask for help. Call the national suicide hotline if you are scared to ask those you know for help. Don't hesitate, don't think you're alone.
Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours everyday
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