My God post
This morning, for whatever reason, was rough. I felt very disconnected from myself, from my readings, journaling and from God. I prayed, read, meditated yet I just felt sad and distant. I showered, got ready for church and headed out. I pulled into the parking lot just as my students from Epworth were getting out of their van. It was so good to see their faces, I said hello, hugged a couple of them and headed in.
Feeling very detached from the service, not getting much out of the sermon, I headed home unmoved and becoming extremely sad. I texted my girlfriends from church asking them to say a prayer, told them that I was struggling. It wasn't just sadness over the recent happenings with a break up, it was feeling lost in my journey of myself and with God.
Over the past two years, especially the past 6 months, I have had days of feeling in control and days of feeling lost. I know it's not abnormal for someone to go through ups and downs during a life changing journey yet I am admitting it, admitting this morning was a morning of feeling lost.
I got on my knees in my bedroom, put my head on my bed and cried. I asked God for guidance and reassurance, to give me a sign that he was with me and that I was on the right path. I haven't always used my best judgment, I haven't always made the right decisions so trusting my own self is a daily struggle. So, I needed God to tell me that I'm ok, that he has this and he is the one in control. I laid it all out, everything, I mean EVERYTHING!! I got mad and yelled at God, he already knew I was pissed so why not make myself feel better by yelling.
He heard me, God was listening because suddenly the tears stopped, and for some reason Psalm 20 appeared in my head. Why, I have no idea.....as far as I know, I'd never read that book/chapter of the Bible before yet I grabbed my Bible and turned to it. This has never happened before, I've never had a bible verse come to me before and probably never will again but let me tell you, once is all I needed to become a believer. God listens and he answers.
Curious of what Psalm 20 says? Google it.
Over the past two years, especially the past 6 months, I have had days of feeling in control and days of feeling lost. I know it's not abnormal for someone to go through ups and downs during a life changing journey yet I am admitting it, admitting this morning was a morning of feeling lost.
I got on my knees in my bedroom, put my head on my bed and cried. I asked God for guidance and reassurance, to give me a sign that he was with me and that I was on the right path. I haven't always used my best judgment, I haven't always made the right decisions so trusting my own self is a daily struggle. So, I needed God to tell me that I'm ok, that he has this and he is the one in control. I laid it all out, everything, I mean EVERYTHING!! I got mad and yelled at God, he already knew I was pissed so why not make myself feel better by yelling.
He heard me, God was listening because suddenly the tears stopped, and for some reason Psalm 20 appeared in my head. Why, I have no idea.....as far as I know, I'd never read that book/chapter of the Bible before yet I grabbed my Bible and turned to it. This has never happened before, I've never had a bible verse come to me before and probably never will again but let me tell you, once is all I needed to become a believer. God listens and he answers.
Curious of what Psalm 20 says? Google it.
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