Unfriending
I dont live near my family and most of my friends so I keep in touch with Facebook. I have family and friends all over the US and the world, so getting to see pictures of new babies and first days of school, birthdays, graduations.....Yada Yada Yada, make me feel close to home and connected. I love fb for that reason, it's a great way to communicate and keep in touch. It's also a great way to compare yourself to others, seeing their "perfect" world can sometimes make you feel less than. It's happened to all of us, the smiling husband and wife pictures, as you sit alone. The happy family vacations while you pinch your pennies to pay bills. The engagement that happened 3 months after they met. People pick and choose what they want the world to see, not many will show the real life. They are living a false advertisement.
I decided last year after my friend had died and my boyfriend broke up with me that I was going to show the fb world what was happening to me, the real Terri. I admitted to learning that I was co-dependant, that I had low self esteem. I admitted to being depressed and feeling helpless. I shared daily struggles and daily enlightments. I was asked by several what books I had read or what I had been doing to pull myself up from the hole in was in. Several people said they saw themselves in me, that I had given them hope. I decided to be real, or at least as real as I thought I could be. At the time I thought my struggles were ending, that I was a new person and I was but I hadn't healed, I hadn't let go of the guilt or shame, I hadn't realized that I didn't love myself. I did the best I could because it was all I knew.
This time, my struggles are shared here and in person with a chosen few, somethings are put on fb. My ability to accept myself, my newfound joy and love that I have for me, my projects around the house, but not my secret, not my heartache, not my loss of the one I loved. Too many people were too close this time, I didn't want to involve anyone else.
One thing that I did post was my floor, I was so proud that I finished it today, so proud that I did it alone. It's not perfect, yet it is to me because of what it represents. People were so kind and thoughtful except one. Tonight, she was hateful and rude, telling me all that I did wrong and letting me know that people don't like people like me who do things half way. It stung, it hurt, she was mean and when I explained why I did it the way I did she came at me again. I was starting to doubt myself, starting to feel low....I paused, I took a few deep breaths and I unfriended her. I can't have people in my life who throw stones. I'm getting stronger by the day but not strong enough to fight my own battles and hers too.
Negativity breeds negativity. Positivity breeds positivity. I must remain in the positive cycle, I must remind myself that it's ok to be done with negative people. Thank God I see this now....thank God my light is starting to shine from the inside out. Don't allow others to be negative to you, stand up for yourself and take pride in whatever it is that makes you feel good. Because you are awesome and no one can take that from you.
I decided last year after my friend had died and my boyfriend broke up with me that I was going to show the fb world what was happening to me, the real Terri. I admitted to learning that I was co-dependant, that I had low self esteem. I admitted to being depressed and feeling helpless. I shared daily struggles and daily enlightments. I was asked by several what books I had read or what I had been doing to pull myself up from the hole in was in. Several people said they saw themselves in me, that I had given them hope. I decided to be real, or at least as real as I thought I could be. At the time I thought my struggles were ending, that I was a new person and I was but I hadn't healed, I hadn't let go of the guilt or shame, I hadn't realized that I didn't love myself. I did the best I could because it was all I knew.
This time, my struggles are shared here and in person with a chosen few, somethings are put on fb. My ability to accept myself, my newfound joy and love that I have for me, my projects around the house, but not my secret, not my heartache, not my loss of the one I loved. Too many people were too close this time, I didn't want to involve anyone else.
One thing that I did post was my floor, I was so proud that I finished it today, so proud that I did it alone. It's not perfect, yet it is to me because of what it represents. People were so kind and thoughtful except one. Tonight, she was hateful and rude, telling me all that I did wrong and letting me know that people don't like people like me who do things half way. It stung, it hurt, she was mean and when I explained why I did it the way I did she came at me again. I was starting to doubt myself, starting to feel low....I paused, I took a few deep breaths and I unfriended her. I can't have people in my life who throw stones. I'm getting stronger by the day but not strong enough to fight my own battles and hers too.
Negativity breeds negativity. Positivity breeds positivity. I must remain in the positive cycle, I must remind myself that it's ok to be done with negative people. Thank God I see this now....thank God my light is starting to shine from the inside out. Don't allow others to be negative to you, stand up for yourself and take pride in whatever it is that makes you feel good. Because you are awesome and no one can take that from you.
Comments
Post a Comment