October
Facebook keeps showing me memories over the past 7 years, pictures and posts of things I've said and done. Some funny, some sad, some days I just seemed pissed and ready to give up. It's also shown me how far I've come. Seems like October is a huge month for overcoming fears and reaching goals. From my 2 half marathons that I never thought would attempt let alone accomplish, to scaling a rock wall and climbing a telephone pole to the top to zip line down. October has been a month of change in the past few years, a positive change, change that was desperately needed.
What will I be able to say a year from now about this October, what goals will I have accomplished, fears I faced, metamorphosis that came about? I am in the midst of it now, seems like a slow transformation, oh how I wish it would happen faster. Maybe that's what I'll look back on with pride, the fact that I'm learning, or trying to learn, patience. Some say I'm not great at it but I am trying, I am aware of this fault and more than anything I want to change. I've learned to pause so that the empathy can kick in, something else that I am working hard on, even though it still doesn't come naturally.
Saturday night a dear friend told me how proud they were of me, not knowing all that has gone on, yet he has seen a change in me that led him to be so kind and loving. It's moments like that, that I will cherish and carry with me when I start to feel weary of this journey. Knowing that others can see a light starting to shine makes me want to work harder and grown even deeper into the person I want to become.
I had so many things I had planned on doing this October, none consisted of me being alone. The thought of sharing my favorite season with someone I love brought such joy and excitement to me.....this season, however has been, in a different way, more rewarding and positive than I could've ever imagined. No, I'm not happier without him sitting next to me by the firepit or going to the pumpkin patch, making memories and enjoying the fall air, yet I am happier with me, so I know that I can do this October alone, because truthfully, I'm never alone. My friends have shown me this, they have stepped up and allowed me space to do what needs to be done. They have been so incredibly supportive and loving...I'll never be alone. This October will be one of transformation and growth, this October will be one to remember.
What will I be able to say a year from now about this October, what goals will I have accomplished, fears I faced, metamorphosis that came about? I am in the midst of it now, seems like a slow transformation, oh how I wish it would happen faster. Maybe that's what I'll look back on with pride, the fact that I'm learning, or trying to learn, patience. Some say I'm not great at it but I am trying, I am aware of this fault and more than anything I want to change. I've learned to pause so that the empathy can kick in, something else that I am working hard on, even though it still doesn't come naturally.
Saturday night a dear friend told me how proud they were of me, not knowing all that has gone on, yet he has seen a change in me that led him to be so kind and loving. It's moments like that, that I will cherish and carry with me when I start to feel weary of this journey. Knowing that others can see a light starting to shine makes me want to work harder and grown even deeper into the person I want to become.
I had so many things I had planned on doing this October, none consisted of me being alone. The thought of sharing my favorite season with someone I love brought such joy and excitement to me.....this season, however has been, in a different way, more rewarding and positive than I could've ever imagined. No, I'm not happier without him sitting next to me by the firepit or going to the pumpkin patch, making memories and enjoying the fall air, yet I am happier with me, so I know that I can do this October alone, because truthfully, I'm never alone. My friends have shown me this, they have stepped up and allowed me space to do what needs to be done. They have been so incredibly supportive and loving...I'll never be alone. This October will be one of transformation and growth, this October will be one to remember.
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