The darkness of Autumn

Since I was a little girl, autumn has been my favorite season.  Every year we would have a huge bonfire and weenie roast followed by a hay ride that always led through the cemetery.   Every year we'd play football, ride the horses and have the time of our lives.  Every year we'd play hide and seek in the woods late into the night, run through the unharvested fields getting lost in the moonlight.  Seeing how close we could get to Shotgun Manor before turning and running scared back through the field to the car (I never made it to the front door, my sister did, however).  Oh to be that free again.

I still love autumn, it's still my favorite.  I still make bonfires, but now I watch as my kids roast hot dogs and marshmallows.  We watch football instead of playing it and we go to pumpkin patches, that's about as close to a hayride as we get.   Cemeteries are still fun to me but no one else wants to go, I've moved from the countryside, no fields of corn to run through, no woods to play in.  The horses are gone now, Shotgun Manor was torn down, time has passed, the seasons activities for me, have changed.   

My love for Autumn remains, the cool crisp air, the falling colorful leaves.  The smell in the air is fresh and alive, even though everything is dying.   I've always loved how the leaves sound beneath my feet, the sounds of the acorns crunching with every step.  Nature is shutting down, it's going away, it's turning dark. 

Maybe that's why I enjoy it, the darkness creeping in, the howl of the wind, the bare trees with their own scary tale to tell.   I like the the eerie feel of the silence of the night, it's all so alive, yet on the verge of demise.    I love to be scared by the nature of it all.

I'm not into scary movies like one was as a kid, once I had a child, my mama bear became too protective and I no longer had a desire to be scared by theatrics.   But being scared by the real, that is still appealing to me.   Letting my imagination go and seeing what comes to life.   Walking at dusk with the moon rising and a chill in the air as I look around for anything moving.  Hearing sounds that are unfamiliar.

The next few weeks, I am going to allow myself the dark desire to feel that chill again, I've hidden so many things for so long, I haven't really enjoyed the dark, too afraid I guess.   Fear has held me back for too long and I will no longer allow it to take my season of haunt.

Lesson today, life is too damn short to not feel alive in the darkness.