What was isn't what is
I received a beautiful video of an engagement over the weekend, it was everything she had dreamed of, except he wasn't there. I know he watched from above, wanting only the best for his first born, wanting her to live the life he didn't get to. I looked for a sign of him everywhere, in the glass behind the groom to be, in the trees behind his daughter, I looked for a Cardinal sitting and watching but saw nothing. I was hoping I'd see him there in some form, watching and smiling yet through my tears, I knew in spirit he was there.
I've had this happy/sadness about me since hearing she became engaged. Happy for her, she has fought so many things in life, for her entire life and she deserves this happiness. Sadness because her Dad and I talked about these moments and how happy we'd be to see our babies, his and mine, grow up to be happy loving adults and I watch alone.
I've cried numerous times, happy tears for her, sad tears for what was and for what isn't. We are both moving forward in our lives without him, we are both finding paths to happiness and love, we are both happy for each other and this is what he would've wanted. He knew he wouldn't be here and he wanted life to be lived, love to be found. I have a voice mail from him saying this, that he wanted me to find love and happiness, I hated him for it at the time. Now I understand, what was, isn't what is.
We must let go of the past to move into the future, we must hold them in our hearts but not allow the memory to keep us from love and happiness. There is no moving forward and looking back, it cannot be both. I choose to look ahead and see what's in front of me, I choose to hold in my heart memories and love and I choose to stop looking back.
What do you choose?
I've had this happy/sadness about me since hearing she became engaged. Happy for her, she has fought so many things in life, for her entire life and she deserves this happiness. Sadness because her Dad and I talked about these moments and how happy we'd be to see our babies, his and mine, grow up to be happy loving adults and I watch alone.
I've cried numerous times, happy tears for her, sad tears for what was and for what isn't. We are both moving forward in our lives without him, we are both finding paths to happiness and love, we are both happy for each other and this is what he would've wanted. He knew he wouldn't be here and he wanted life to be lived, love to be found. I have a voice mail from him saying this, that he wanted me to find love and happiness, I hated him for it at the time. Now I understand, what was, isn't what is.
We must let go of the past to move into the future, we must hold them in our hearts but not allow the memory to keep us from love and happiness. There is no moving forward and looking back, it cannot be both. I choose to look ahead and see what's in front of me, I choose to hold in my heart memories and love and I choose to stop looking back.
What do you choose?