Gratitude with Grace
I think I finally understand what is is that God needs me to see in myself so I can heal and become whole and live my purposeful life.
I'm selfish. I'm always saying why me. I'm always wondering when my turn to be happy will come. I always feel sorry for myself. I am that person that I dislike most. I wouldn't be my friend, I'm negative, I'm pessimistic and I'm jealous of those who are happy. I am everything I don't want to be.
I woke this morning sad because I had a dream that was beautiful and woke realizing that reality is less than beautiful. Instead of giving thanks to God, the universe, the being for waking me up, I said "ok God, show me what I need to see in myself so I can be happy, so I can be who I'm supposed to be". Ok, the asking God to show me what I need to change myself, not a bad thing, actually it's a Good thing yet I should've shown gratitude first. Thank you God for waking me up!! Thank you God for this day to live in the moment and recognize what I can do to become a better person. Just saying it now even lifts my spirits. Being grateful for today, so easy.
I sent my sister a picture of my new hair color this morning (which I'm not liking the way I thought I would). I think I just needed her to validate my negativity about it. I said to her "I'm having a bad day already and it's not even 10 a.m.", to which my sister replied, "I've already watched someone die today...... At least we get today to live." (She's an ER nurse) I felt ashamed of myself. Something J said to me a while back echoed in my head, his wife never felt sorry for herself in all of the years she was sick, never a why me.....he said I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself.
My readings this morning said "The way just ahead of you is very steep. Slow down and cling tightly to my hand. I am teaching you a difficult lesson, learned only by hardship.", to which I audibly said "come on, what else do I need to learn?" Ask and you shall receive. Yes, the way in front of me is steep and I will take each step purposefully, with gratitude and Grace.
Why not Me?
I'm selfish. I'm always saying why me. I'm always wondering when my turn to be happy will come. I always feel sorry for myself. I am that person that I dislike most. I wouldn't be my friend, I'm negative, I'm pessimistic and I'm jealous of those who are happy. I am everything I don't want to be.
I woke this morning sad because I had a dream that was beautiful and woke realizing that reality is less than beautiful. Instead of giving thanks to God, the universe, the being for waking me up, I said "ok God, show me what I need to see in myself so I can be happy, so I can be who I'm supposed to be". Ok, the asking God to show me what I need to change myself, not a bad thing, actually it's a Good thing yet I should've shown gratitude first. Thank you God for waking me up!! Thank you God for this day to live in the moment and recognize what I can do to become a better person. Just saying it now even lifts my spirits. Being grateful for today, so easy.
I sent my sister a picture of my new hair color this morning (which I'm not liking the way I thought I would). I think I just needed her to validate my negativity about it. I said to her "I'm having a bad day already and it's not even 10 a.m.", to which my sister replied, "I've already watched someone die today...... At least we get today to live." (She's an ER nurse) I felt ashamed of myself. Something J said to me a while back echoed in my head, his wife never felt sorry for herself in all of the years she was sick, never a why me.....he said I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself.
My readings this morning said "The way just ahead of you is very steep. Slow down and cling tightly to my hand. I am teaching you a difficult lesson, learned only by hardship.", to which I audibly said "come on, what else do I need to learn?" Ask and you shall receive. Yes, the way in front of me is steep and I will take each step purposefully, with gratitude and Grace.
Why not Me?
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