Old connections help heal the heart

Last night I had dinner with an old friend.  I hadn't seen him in years even though we always had good intentions to stay better connected.  He was my first loves best friend, I've known this man since I was 18 years old.  Marty was like his little brother, which made me his little sister.   He was the one who called me to tell me Marty had died.

It felt like yesterday once I saw him again, we picked up right where we left off.  He told me stories that I hadn't heard, reminded me of why I had loved Marty so hard and reassured me that I made the right decision, the only decision I could,  by walking away when I did.

Knowing that the people Marty loved the most don't blame me, resent me or have hard hearts towards me, help my heart to finally heal.   I have carried guilt of walking away for so very many years, fearful that they blamed me for his death.  Afraid they would not be happy for me moving forward in life, loving and making a family.   The thing is, I had that fear with Perry's family too.  Afraid they wouldn't understand or would hate me for wanting to find love and be happy.  They don't, none of them do.

 When you love someone who has passed, it is a treasure, to be respected and held close but it cannot sustain you through life.  You must move forward because to me, that is how you respect the love you had.   I am so grateful for the people who loved the people I've lost because they want what is best for me.   My connections are helping me heal.