I want to have deeps roots
Last night, my good friend Jimmy pointed out to me that having patience is not one of my best qualities. Hahaha, like I didn't already know that! He reminded me that patience comes from faith, faith comes from believing and believing comes from inside. My lack of patience isn't for others (let me be honest and say "at the moment"), yet totally lacking for my own self. I was frustrated because I made a statement via text to someone that was completely a douche bag move and once I paused, I realized what I had implied was not only totally out of character for this individual but totally uncalled for so not warranted. Ugh!!! I am not growing as fast as I want, (except my ass, I've been non stop eating since getting off prozac and not running) not expanding my strength and trust. I am not being patient with myself and that's not cool. Growth takes time. The strongest trees are the ones that develope slowly and the roots grow deep. I want to be a redwood, growing as strong and as beautifully as I can. I want people to know me and see a mighty tree.
My evolution isn't meant to be temporary , I want it to last a lifetime. I cannot rush my way through this and I need to have perseverance and fortitude within myself. I'm not changing my hair color here friends, I am changing my inner being. I am being reborn one day at a time and yes, sometimes I'll be childlike and annoying but please, be lenient and gracious with me and I promise, I will do the same.
Sometimes, I forget that I am strong. Grrr, I exhaust myself, I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to have to deal with me. I have to confess, the old me is pretty strong too, she shows up during pms week, when my sleep has been off and when I have an emotional encounter with my kids.....all three of this have been present in my space over the past 72 hours. Last week, I didn't get to bed before midnight, not once all week. That might seem like nothing to any of you, yet this chick likes to be snuggled under the blankets by 9:30pm latest. I wake around 5:30/45 every morning so getting less than 6 hours (never happened bc I woke every night around 3) doesn't make for a friendly, positive, well adjusted T. This is by no means an excuse yet an insight to why I was in a semi negative mode.
As I walk through this, step by step, moment by moment, day by day, I will fight to become the best me. Sadness, fear, anger, confusion are all real emotions that any human deals with when going through life, sometime we are in complete control, sometimes not so much. Be patient with yourself, love yourself and remember that the only thing we all really know is this moment. Live, love and never allow anyone else to determine your fate.
My evolution isn't meant to be temporary , I want it to last a lifetime. I cannot rush my way through this and I need to have perseverance and fortitude within myself. I'm not changing my hair color here friends, I am changing my inner being. I am being reborn one day at a time and yes, sometimes I'll be childlike and annoying but please, be lenient and gracious with me and I promise, I will do the same.
Sometimes, I forget that I am strong. Grrr, I exhaust myself, I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to have to deal with me. I have to confess, the old me is pretty strong too, she shows up during pms week, when my sleep has been off and when I have an emotional encounter with my kids.....all three of this have been present in my space over the past 72 hours. Last week, I didn't get to bed before midnight, not once all week. That might seem like nothing to any of you, yet this chick likes to be snuggled under the blankets by 9:30pm latest. I wake around 5:30/45 every morning so getting less than 6 hours (never happened bc I woke every night around 3) doesn't make for a friendly, positive, well adjusted T. This is by no means an excuse yet an insight to why I was in a semi negative mode.
As I walk through this, step by step, moment by moment, day by day, I will fight to become the best me. Sadness, fear, anger, confusion are all real emotions that any human deals with when going through life, sometime we are in complete control, sometimes not so much. Be patient with yourself, love yourself and remember that the only thing we all really know is this moment. Live, love and never allow anyone else to determine your fate.
Comments
Post a Comment