Nightmares again

It's been a while since I've had nightmares,  so real that they wake you up in a cold sweat.  I turn on my lamp and try to calm my racing heart, try to breathe through the shallow breaths, try to ease the shaking hands.   I hate nightmares....
I reach for my phone to let someone, anyone know, that I am awake and scared and I realize how alone I feel.

P used to calm me after bad dreams, I'd text, he'd wake and call with soothing words and peaceful thoughts.  He was able to redirect my thinking to a meadow with a quiet little brook, where I would picture myself laying in the cool grass.   Those helpful times stopped long ago.  In moments like this, I miss who he was.

I will sleep with the lights on, my eyes only half closed, a little tighter grip on my pillow that I already hold tight and I will breathe knowing I'm safe and that these are just thoughts in my head