I no longer
I no longer feel the urge to reach out to you when something triggers a laugh. I no longer want to call you and tell you what I saw on the news. My first impulse when I need to vent isn't reaching for my phone to text you and have you be my soundboard. I no longer need to hear your voice to soothe me and calm the fire. I have had to retrain my mind, heart and body to no longer need you because you are no longer there.
If I am honest, you weren't there long before you lost your battle. You lost yourself along the way. The man I learned to care for disappeared as your body became weaker. Once I let go of you so someone else could care for you, the man I knew was gone for good.
Things in life happen for a reason, that is what they say, I don't know if I see a reason behind any of it yet, I guess it really doesn't matter. I am where I am and no reasoning can change that. I am different than I was when I said goodbye to you the last time. When I sat next to you as you layed on your Mom's couch, when I kissed your face for the last time, I think somewhere inside I knew you wouldn't be home again.
I am thankful that we had a chance to say goodbye, that I got to look you in the eyes and say "I love you" for the last time. None of it turned out like I had wanted but I am finally finding peace in my shattered heart.
I know that I must move forward because that is what you wanted for me. The last message to be deleted from my phone was you telling me to find someone to love. I hated you for that message, I hated knowing that you had found someone else. I hated not being the one who could care for you until you took your last breath, I hated that you didn't move home so that I could be. You promised me forever and forever never even came close.
Someone will find me, I'll be the girl that are looking for. I know that one day, the love I have stored up will be wanted and cherished and desired by someone. Someone will be ready to love me as I love them. Some day, my forever will be, forever.
If I am honest, you weren't there long before you lost your battle. You lost yourself along the way. The man I learned to care for disappeared as your body became weaker. Once I let go of you so someone else could care for you, the man I knew was gone for good.
Things in life happen for a reason, that is what they say, I don't know if I see a reason behind any of it yet, I guess it really doesn't matter. I am where I am and no reasoning can change that. I am different than I was when I said goodbye to you the last time. When I sat next to you as you layed on your Mom's couch, when I kissed your face for the last time, I think somewhere inside I knew you wouldn't be home again.
I am thankful that we had a chance to say goodbye, that I got to look you in the eyes and say "I love you" for the last time. None of it turned out like I had wanted but I am finally finding peace in my shattered heart.
I know that I must move forward because that is what you wanted for me. The last message to be deleted from my phone was you telling me to find someone to love. I hated you for that message, I hated knowing that you had found someone else. I hated not being the one who could care for you until you took your last breath, I hated that you didn't move home so that I could be. You promised me forever and forever never even came close.
Someone will find me, I'll be the girl that are looking for. I know that one day, the love I have stored up will be wanted and cherished and desired by someone. Someone will be ready to love me as I love them. Some day, my forever will be, forever.
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