Courageous and Free
Courage, the word makes me think of the cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz, so loveable, so kind, such a desire to be who he knows he can be and yet so, not brave. Poor guy, all he wants to do is to be able to face his fears and be courageous yet he is too afraid. I believe so many of us can identify with The Lion, I know without a doubt, I do. Facing fear, looking it in the eye can be so overwhelming, it's easier to look the other way, yet looking the other way, leads you deeper into fear.
I have been afraid most of my life, afraid of so many things but mostly, afraid to look at myself in the mirror, to look down into my own soul and see the darkness that hides inside. Until 2 years ago, I was too afraid to share my secrets with anyone. Afraid I wasn't safe, afraid if anyone knew, I would be blamed, I would be ridiculed, I would be hurt all over again. So I hid my shame, my secrets, my fears, until hiding was no longer an option.
I have since looked into the mirror, looked into my soul and have embraced the courage to bring the darkness to light. It isn't easy, it isn't without heartache and pain. I have shed tears, I have screamed, I have felt pity and I have felt joy. I have gone two steps forward and one step back, I have struggled and I have shined. I have lost someone in the process, someone who holds my heart, not because he couldn't love me through my darkness but because he chose to stay in his.
My children have made my fight worth fighting, my family has supported and loved me, my friends have held my hand and allowed me time to cry. All of them have been honest with me, even if it hurts and have never let me give up. I have seen myself through the eyes of the ones who love me and I know my worth.
I am courageous. I am free.
I have been afraid most of my life, afraid of so many things but mostly, afraid to look at myself in the mirror, to look down into my own soul and see the darkness that hides inside. Until 2 years ago, I was too afraid to share my secrets with anyone. Afraid I wasn't safe, afraid if anyone knew, I would be blamed, I would be ridiculed, I would be hurt all over again. So I hid my shame, my secrets, my fears, until hiding was no longer an option.
I have since looked into the mirror, looked into my soul and have embraced the courage to bring the darkness to light. It isn't easy, it isn't without heartache and pain. I have shed tears, I have screamed, I have felt pity and I have felt joy. I have gone two steps forward and one step back, I have struggled and I have shined. I have lost someone in the process, someone who holds my heart, not because he couldn't love me through my darkness but because he chose to stay in his.
My children have made my fight worth fighting, my family has supported and loved me, my friends have held my hand and allowed me time to cry. All of them have been honest with me, even if it hurts and have never let me give up. I have seen myself through the eyes of the ones who love me and I know my worth.
I am courageous. I am free.
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