This Moment and Beyond
I read that when you are in your last days here on earth, you see the world through different eyes. You see clearly, honestly, openly and with a perspective of what truly matters most. Oh, if we could just all be in this mindspace so much sooner, not taking life for granted, seeing what is true and what is beautiful to our souls.
I've been in search of this liberation for a while now, wanting to learn how to appreciate the now, how to be grateful for what I have instead of sad for what I don't have. Being able to speak clearly and authentically to what I see and feel. To be able to sit quietly and mediate on others' words, allowing them to be my full center of focus. I would like to think that I am closer at this very moment of feeling free and open than I ever have been. For what it's worth, I'd like to share what I've learned and how I got to where I am today.
My children have said I am the queen of self help books, my youngest even said if we sold all of mine, we could buy a house. It's true, through my journey of realization, coping and healing, I have accumulated my fair share of books. I would gladly pass them along, repurpose them for other people to use, yet 99% of them I have written in, highlighted and dog-eared so I can go back to the subject and give myself a reminder of not only what I've learned but how far I have come. Through self-help books, I have learned of my codependency, my abandonment issues, my low self-esteem, my dependence upon others to validate me, the difference between guilt and shame and how incredibly negative I have been throughout my life. These are the books that catapulted me into the direction of becoming the person I am today. It all started with one book, a book about codependency. That book lead me to others which lead me deeper into discovering why I had become who I was. It was because somebody cared enough about me to give me that book about codependency, they saw telling traits in me and wanted me to be a better version of myself. If we could all have people in our lives who were open and honest with us about what they saw, and if we could all just be willing to hear what people say without being offended, without being hurt, without taking it the wrong way, so much good would come from each other. Keep an open mind when someone loves you enough to point out things they are concerned about, if it's done with love and good intentions, you both will benefit from the honesty. My Take~ never hesitate to search the library, the book store, other people's brains to begin the quest of being the best you. Listen with an open heart when someone points out something they see in you
I took a mindfulness course, 6 weeks of learning to meditate and bring myself into the moment. We were taught to clear our minds, to focus on breathing, to focus on positive thoughts and allow the negative thoughts to pass by like clouds in the sky. We were taught to pause before speaking, we were taught the feelings of fight or flight instincts, we were taught to understand our bodies and the different reactions that certain triggers have on us. I was unsure if any of it was soaking into me, or if I would understand how to use these new found tools but when a situation happened, I was able to calmly step out of my own self and speak clearly and authentically and hopefully compassionately. I spoke from a place of love, not a place of fear. I'm able to do this now more often with more confidence and with more love. My Take~ learn to focus on the now, learn to pause, learn to speak from a place of love, not fear
What has helped me most has been God. I meditate every morning and I pray every morning, before I get out of bed I asked God to show me what I still need to learn about myself and what I still need to change to make me a better human. Every single day God allows me to see, hear and feel what I can do to better myself and become the person I am meant to be. God gives me signs of my progress, He gives me signs of where to go next on my path, He gives me encouragement through family and friends and on the days when I find it hard not to cry because of loss, He gives me strength to keep moving forward. I read my Bible everyday, I do devotionals with my girlfriend and my mom, I seek answers when I don't understand and I seek peace when I don't get answers. Living in the moment isn't just a yogi thing, a meditation thing, it is also a Bible thing. "Don't worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry for of itself" Matthew 6:34. Patience is also something that God is teaching me, no matter how many times I squeezed my patience button I still had very little of it. If I am correct, 25 times throughout the Bible you see passages encouraging you to be still and wait or to wait patiently not to mention all of the times it speaks about not being anxious or worrying. So far, it's the best self help book of all. My Take~ never fear what God will show you when you ask. Never worry that you are not loved by him, and never think that He will leave you
What I have taught myself through this all is to listen to my own voice, to hear what my heart says, to know my own inner conscience. I have learned that I do know how to love, that I do know how to listen, that I do know how to give. I have learned that when I truly love, it is unconditional and it is forever. My love doesn't fade away, it doesn't change, it is lifetime it is constant, my door doesn't close. My Take ~ love is worth it
For those of you who I have hurt because I was unable to open myself to you, I pray that you will forgive me. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to learn how to be grateful in the moment, how to love in the moment and how to appreciate you in the moment. I love you, this moment and beyond
I've been in search of this liberation for a while now, wanting to learn how to appreciate the now, how to be grateful for what I have instead of sad for what I don't have. Being able to speak clearly and authentically to what I see and feel. To be able to sit quietly and mediate on others' words, allowing them to be my full center of focus. I would like to think that I am closer at this very moment of feeling free and open than I ever have been. For what it's worth, I'd like to share what I've learned and how I got to where I am today.
My children have said I am the queen of self help books, my youngest even said if we sold all of mine, we could buy a house. It's true, through my journey of realization, coping and healing, I have accumulated my fair share of books. I would gladly pass them along, repurpose them for other people to use, yet 99% of them I have written in, highlighted and dog-eared so I can go back to the subject and give myself a reminder of not only what I've learned but how far I have come. Through self-help books, I have learned of my codependency, my abandonment issues, my low self-esteem, my dependence upon others to validate me, the difference between guilt and shame and how incredibly negative I have been throughout my life. These are the books that catapulted me into the direction of becoming the person I am today. It all started with one book, a book about codependency. That book lead me to others which lead me deeper into discovering why I had become who I was. It was because somebody cared enough about me to give me that book about codependency, they saw telling traits in me and wanted me to be a better version of myself. If we could all have people in our lives who were open and honest with us about what they saw, and if we could all just be willing to hear what people say without being offended, without being hurt, without taking it the wrong way, so much good would come from each other. Keep an open mind when someone loves you enough to point out things they are concerned about, if it's done with love and good intentions, you both will benefit from the honesty. My Take~ never hesitate to search the library, the book store, other people's brains to begin the quest of being the best you. Listen with an open heart when someone points out something they see in you
I took a mindfulness course, 6 weeks of learning to meditate and bring myself into the moment. We were taught to clear our minds, to focus on breathing, to focus on positive thoughts and allow the negative thoughts to pass by like clouds in the sky. We were taught to pause before speaking, we were taught the feelings of fight or flight instincts, we were taught to understand our bodies and the different reactions that certain triggers have on us. I was unsure if any of it was soaking into me, or if I would understand how to use these new found tools but when a situation happened, I was able to calmly step out of my own self and speak clearly and authentically and hopefully compassionately. I spoke from a place of love, not a place of fear. I'm able to do this now more often with more confidence and with more love. My Take~ learn to focus on the now, learn to pause, learn to speak from a place of love, not fear
What has helped me most has been God. I meditate every morning and I pray every morning, before I get out of bed I asked God to show me what I still need to learn about myself and what I still need to change to make me a better human. Every single day God allows me to see, hear and feel what I can do to better myself and become the person I am meant to be. God gives me signs of my progress, He gives me signs of where to go next on my path, He gives me encouragement through family and friends and on the days when I find it hard not to cry because of loss, He gives me strength to keep moving forward. I read my Bible everyday, I do devotionals with my girlfriend and my mom, I seek answers when I don't understand and I seek peace when I don't get answers. Living in the moment isn't just a yogi thing, a meditation thing, it is also a Bible thing. "Don't worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry for of itself" Matthew 6:34. Patience is also something that God is teaching me, no matter how many times I squeezed my patience button I still had very little of it. If I am correct, 25 times throughout the Bible you see passages encouraging you to be still and wait or to wait patiently not to mention all of the times it speaks about not being anxious or worrying. So far, it's the best self help book of all. My Take~ never fear what God will show you when you ask. Never worry that you are not loved by him, and never think that He will leave you
What I have taught myself through this all is to listen to my own voice, to hear what my heart says, to know my own inner conscience. I have learned that I do know how to love, that I do know how to listen, that I do know how to give. I have learned that when I truly love, it is unconditional and it is forever. My love doesn't fade away, it doesn't change, it is lifetime it is constant, my door doesn't close. My Take ~ love is worth it
For those of you who I have hurt because I was unable to open myself to you, I pray that you will forgive me. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to learn how to be grateful in the moment, how to love in the moment and how to appreciate you in the moment. I love you, this moment and beyond
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