Me vs The Blue Jay
Ornithophobia, the abnormal and irrational fear of birds. It's real, very real. I've had ornithophobia my whole life. My Grandma Nellie' s (Happy 107th in heaven today) pet bird, Dumb Dumb would land on my head and peck at me, everyone thought it was funny, everyone except me. It started my, let me just say RATIONAL, fear of birds. They are evil little creatures, I've been attacked more than once, minding my own business, just trying to get from point A to B. They have no regard to personal space, once you step outside, they believe you're on their turf.
Yesterday, I faced this fear, I felt I didn't have a choice. I was at my ex husbands home, dropping off my youngest when I noticed a blue jay trapped in the screened in porch and with every attempt to find a way out, he became more and more confused and disoriented. It was odd, a part if me felt for this rat with wings, I felt a tug at my heart, someone needed to help. That someone however, wasn't going to be me. My oldest son wasn't at home, the ex wasn't there so I yelled for my youngest, he was disposed at the moment but told me that the broom on the porch was for just the occasion of helping lost birds find their way to the door and back on their turf.
I took a deep breath, stretched my head from one side to the other, gave myself a quick little "atta girl" and stepped out to be the hero to this blue little creature. I don't know if you have tried to shew a terrified bird from a screened in porch but let me tell you, easy it is not. I failed my little foe, I was unable to guide him to freedom instead, I lead him straight into a screen where he bounced off and landed, exhausted and hurt on the floor. Ok, now my heart melted for this poor little blue jay, helpless and hurt. I bent down to where he lay, took another deep breath and slowly cupped my hands gently around his limp seemingly lifeless body. As I slowly started to move, that ungrateful little poop turned it's head and bit me. What??? Yep, that's why I'm terrified of birds.
As scared of him as I was, I can't even imagine how frightened he was, I'm a thousand times his size and strength. He didn't fight me, he allowed me to pick him up, he allowed me to help him, yes he was cranky and bit me yet he knew it wouldn't hurt me. He needed help and I was the only one to save him. I was that bird, trapped in my own screened in life, hitting wall after wall, falling and getting up, just to hit another wall and fall again. I was detetmined to do it alone. I was bruised and hurting, scared and confused. Just like my little blue jay, there have been times that I bit back, I yelled in anger, I cussed God out, I let him have it and then I fell to my knees and said ok God, I can't get up this time without you. So, God wrapped his hands around me, pick me and and guided me onto a path of healing and growing. I'm so glad that I finally gave it all to God and now lean on His grace. My mountain is big yet my God is bigger.
Yesterday, I faced this fear, I felt I didn't have a choice. I was at my ex husbands home, dropping off my youngest when I noticed a blue jay trapped in the screened in porch and with every attempt to find a way out, he became more and more confused and disoriented. It was odd, a part if me felt for this rat with wings, I felt a tug at my heart, someone needed to help. That someone however, wasn't going to be me. My oldest son wasn't at home, the ex wasn't there so I yelled for my youngest, he was disposed at the moment but told me that the broom on the porch was for just the occasion of helping lost birds find their way to the door and back on their turf.
I took a deep breath, stretched my head from one side to the other, gave myself a quick little "atta girl" and stepped out to be the hero to this blue little creature. I don't know if you have tried to shew a terrified bird from a screened in porch but let me tell you, easy it is not. I failed my little foe, I was unable to guide him to freedom instead, I lead him straight into a screen where he bounced off and landed, exhausted and hurt on the floor. Ok, now my heart melted for this poor little blue jay, helpless and hurt. I bent down to where he lay, took another deep breath and slowly cupped my hands gently around his limp seemingly lifeless body. As I slowly started to move, that ungrateful little poop turned it's head and bit me. What??? Yep, that's why I'm terrified of birds.
As scared of him as I was, I can't even imagine how frightened he was, I'm a thousand times his size and strength. He didn't fight me, he allowed me to pick him up, he allowed me to help him, yes he was cranky and bit me yet he knew it wouldn't hurt me. He needed help and I was the only one to save him. I was that bird, trapped in my own screened in life, hitting wall after wall, falling and getting up, just to hit another wall and fall again. I was detetmined to do it alone. I was bruised and hurting, scared and confused. Just like my little blue jay, there have been times that I bit back, I yelled in anger, I cussed God out, I let him have it and then I fell to my knees and said ok God, I can't get up this time without you. So, God wrapped his hands around me, pick me and and guided me onto a path of healing and growing. I'm so glad that I finally gave it all to God and now lean on His grace. My mountain is big yet my God is bigger.
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