Life Goes On and It Goes Beautifully

 A lot of things have happened in the past few years.  A lot of finding my own,  of coming into my own, being happy on my own.   

For a while, I was afraid to go to events alone, afraid that people would feel sorry for me, or think that I wasn't good enough to have a boyfriend,  that I was a looser for being single.   I didn't want anyone to pity me or laugh at me.   Then one day, an epiphany........it takes a strong person to be on their own.  To face life and personal demons head-on, to heal and not depend on a significant other to heal the wounds or to mask the pain, this is not for the weak.  I was strong and I finally realized that alone was what I wanted.  I didn't need to be a couple to be whole, I was whole on my own.    Then along came Eric

Eric was nothing like I wanted yet he was everything that was perfect for me.   At this point I had gone on a few dates, a couple of artist,  a musician or two, a clothes designer, men who were "my type".    They were nice, kind, handsome,  but we never had the connection that I craved, so I decided to stop looking.   I logged onto the dating app to deactivate my account  (that's right, dating apps are not for loosers, I met some pretty high profile St. Louisians on there) and that was the day he popped up.   He was cute, his profile was funny, strong arms and nerdy,  I'm not sure what, but something really drew me to him.   I swiped blinker up , he reached out and we started talking.   I gave him 24 hours to call me, playing the texting game was not my thing.   He called hour 24 and informed me that he didn't like to be told what to do.....trust me, that was a huge plus.   It wasn't love at first sight, yet it was a connection that I felt was real.   He wasn't looking to fill a void, he wasn't looking for sex, he wasn't looking for someone to fix him,, he was looking for laughter,  for deep talks, for honesty and for friendship that could become love.   And it did, it became the most real and true love without expectation of me becoming someone else.  It became love of who we were, not who we could be.   It became love for my best friend.   I'm grateful for the stepping stones that crumbled beneath my feet, for losing my balance and finding my own strength to walk my journey alone.