Apathy

I read the following this morning, it rings true for me in all walks of life.   I do care what people think, no matter how much I don't want to, so I built a wall, one that hasn't been easily torn down.  I've put on an air of toughness that in reality,  the ones who love me, have seen right through.  Truth is, I am scared of rejection, of pain, of not being liked.   Deep down I do want to be accepted for who I am by others but first, I need to accept who I am, by me.   This is something I've been working on, something I am slowly learning and allowing myself to do.  Seeing myself through eyes of those few who know me, love me and accept me, flaws and all has helped strengthen my core being.   I'm beginning to understand that I am not made for everyone to like or accept and that truly is ok, for those who do, it is a gift of love.  I am ready to love and be loved in my truest form.  

I used to think I was so far from perfect, yet as my dearest, best soul sister, Jen said to me a few weeks ago, "you are the perfect Terri".   So I will say to you...You are the perfect you, be vulnerable, love yourself then let the people who are meant to love you, love you with grace and depth.

"Apathy is indifference. It’s the ‘I don’t care’ attitude that arrests our desire to love and be loved, leaving us feeling alone and unknown, coasting through life. Our apathy serves as a coping mechanism that shields us from feeling. We secure ourselves behind the brick and mortar of statements like, “I don’t care what people think about me,” when, if we’re being honest, the exact opposite is true. We care about what people think of us so much that we can’t deal with the idea of letting someone know us—all of our quirks, strengths, weaknesses, world-views, gifts, and gaps—because that gives them the power to accept or reject us based on our level of vulnerability. So we often create superficial selves and relegate every relationship to the shallow end of the relational experience. Because we know how badly rejection can hurt, we’re afraid that someone might get to know us and decide not to like us. But the foundation of intimacy is vulnerability, and if you can’t be vulnerable, honest, and open, then you will never be able to escape the terrible prison of superficiality. You will never be able to fully embrace what it is to be real." ~ Tauren Wells